Unsolicited Grill Opinions Membership Card

Mail your friend a membership card he didn't apply for. The North American Association of Unsolicited Grill Opinions doesn't take applications. It takes notice.

Membership is conferred on observed conduct, and the qualifying conduct goes on the enclosed welcome letter. On May 24, at a cookout where he was a guest, he offered a man standing at his own grill an opinion on lid discipline. A second opinion, on flip timing, followed before the first was acknowledged. A third, on lighter fluid, went to the table at large. Three in one afternoon qualifies a candidate. He's been qualifying for years.

The card is wallet-sized. It carries his member number, the crest — crossed spatulas over the motto Non Rogatus — and, on the reverse, the single privilege of membership:

The member is entitled to continue.

Mail it in a plain envelope with nothing else inside. He'll know exactly what it means, and he'll carry it. You did this because the man is, against all odds, worth listening to about a grill — just never having asked.